Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
