yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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