the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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