i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
no you cant smoke seaweed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
