I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
