oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
