Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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