Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
