well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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