"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
