Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
