i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
