I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
