We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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