Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
