the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
