and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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