I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
