And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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