Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
