i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
