Having a random hookup so left but love u
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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