I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am spending my child support on dildos
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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