Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I just went to clothing optional bar
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
