That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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