I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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