I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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