If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize