His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
