Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
