I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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