Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize