3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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