I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
