Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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