My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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