i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
my liver is dry heaving
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
