Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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