dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's always time for handjobs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
