saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
