Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize