I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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