11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
