So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
