Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
