Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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