Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
