I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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