my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
