Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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