went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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