His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
