By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have feelings that need drinking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
