when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize