do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
