She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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