Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
