I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
