party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
