Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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