I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
