If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize