totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
