when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
