one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize