And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
