Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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