hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
