I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
