There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
