Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
