When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
